Things my Mother Taught Me


Time Travel - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week"

Logic - "Because I said so, that's why.

Foresight - "Make sure wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"

Religion - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

To appreciate a job well done - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning."

Irony - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about"

Osmosis - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper"

Contortionism - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck"

Stamina - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished"

Weather - "It looks as if a tomato swept through your room"

Physics Problems - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

Hypocrisy - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exagerate!"

Behaviour Modification - "Stop acting like your father"

Envy - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do"